Let me say at the outset, that we are in a financial pickle and we have to do this Wall Street bail out deal - like it or not, which I most assuredly do not. Having established that … here's the column.

Nothing … nothing focuses the mind of a Member of the U.S. House or Senate like a looming adjournment date. The 110th Congress wants to get the you-know-what out of town by not later than Saturday, so they will happily spend TRILLIONS of your dollars to pay their own way home.

To review the bidding (for those who slept through 11th grade Social Studies when Mr. Marandi talked about Article I, Sections 2 & 3 of the U.S. Constitution) all 435 Members of the House who are (A) still alive, (B) not in jail, and (C) want to come back, are up for re-election as are one-third of the United States Senate who meet the same tests.

The election this year will be on November 4 which means we are within six weeks of the big day and the Members want to go home and remind their constituents why they should ignore the entreaties and lies of their challengers and send the incumbents back to their safe havens in the House and Senate office buildings.

Thus, the race to authorize the spending of $700 BILLION (which is on top of the $137 KAJILLION already spent on bailing out the crooks who were running those other big investment houses as well as Fannie and Freddie.


This is why I could never be a Congressman or a Senator: I would insist that someone on my staff go through the list of homeowners in THE HAMPTONS out on Long Island.

Anyone who (A) owns property in THE HAMPTONS and (B) works for one of the companies which is going to get rescued by the money you will have withheld from today's paycheck would have to sign the deed to their property in THE HAMPTONS over to the U.S. Government so that you and I could bid on a weekend next summer.

That is not going to happen, of course because we are being sold on the fact that only highly-skilled, highly-trained experts can run these investment operations, so we have to allow them their multi-million dollar salaries and/or bonuses.

As far as I'm concerned Moe, Larry and Curly couldn't have done any worse than these Wall Street jerks with their slicked back hair, tailor-made shirts and suits, custom-fit shoes, gold cufflinks, and Hermes ties.

And that's just the women.

Where was I?

So, when McCain announced he was suspending his campaign and might not participate in the debate tonight, my cell phone went off like the signal that the meat loaf was ready on the buffet at the all-you-can-eat early bird restaurant in Pompano Beach, Florida.

I really believe this to be true: There are two Senators who, when they walk into a room to discuss an important issue, their colleagues will stop talking and listen. They might not agree, but they will listen.

Those two Senators are Ted Kennedy (who, because of his illness will not be involved in this) and John McCain.

The Democrats - who control the House and the Senate - raced to come to some semblance of a deal within hours of McCain saying he was coming back to help structure it - proves my point. Sen. Obama needed his guys to rally toward a deal BEFORE McCain's staff could show up singing the Mighty Mouse Song: "Here I come to save the day…!"

So, McCain DID have an effect on the process, if only to speed it up so he couldn't take credit.

As this is being written, Treasury Secretary Hank Paulson is on Capitol Hill with the geniuses who work there to try to save our bacon. Paulson came from Wall Street. He was chairman of Goldman Sachs which just hit up Warren Buffet for a $5 BILLION infusion or transfusion or whatever.

Paulson's official Department of the Treasury bio says he was "Staff Assistant to the President from 1972 to 1973." However, our friends at Wikipedia.com point out that he was "assistant to John Ehrlichman from 1972 to 1973."

I'm not making any comparisons between Paulson and Ehrlichman. I'm just saying …

This whole thing might fall apart and we could descend into a 1930's-level depression. My mom, who lived through it, has often said "I don't know why they call it the Great Depression. I never thought here was anything 'Great' about it."

Wise words from my mom.

On the Secret Decoder Ring page today: Links to bios of Hank Paulson and John Erhlichman. A Mullfoto from New York City and a Catchy Caption of the Day.
 
Rich Galen lives in Old Town.