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ASK MERRILY/ Line in the Sand

Merrily Preston
By Merrily Preston
Posted on Sep 21,2009
Filed Under Personal Development , Opinions,
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Photo by FLICKR/ppym1/137440998/<br /> <br />If you can brainstorm with your heads and hearts to create a relationship that includes both of your heart’s desires and makes you both equally happy, then your relationship will be able to continue, and the line in the sand may not become a continental divide.
Photo by FLICKR/ppym1/137440998/
If you can brainstorm with your heads and hearts to create a relationship that
includes both of your heart’s desires and makes you both equally happy,
then your relationship will be able to continue, and the line in the sand may
not become a continental divide.

My significant other and I have been considering our future. He wants to have children before age 35. He feels passionately this is what he is on earth to do. I am not sure I want children. Because I plan to pursue a master's degree and possibly a PhD, I wouldn't be thinking about children until 35ish. His concerns are the risks involved with having children at an older age and that I may not want children. We love each other dearly and would not want our relationship to end. My problem is that I don't want to feel pressured. We decided that I had to think about what I wanted. Do I want children? And when? I think I know the answer .... after I am done with school! But he would mention the risks.

Where do I go from here?

Dear ‘Where do I go?’

Since you are in agreement that you love each other dearly and do not want the relationship to end, you have the challenge of erasing the line drawn in the sand.

You need time and space to pursue your master’s degree and to know if you want children, a decision which cannot be made on demand or under pressure.

He needs assurance that the relationship includes a place for his life purpose, to have children before he is 35 while the risks are less.

I find it interesting that only you were assigned to think about what you want. Each of you needs to consider whether the other is a suitable life partner in view of your opposing plans.

Research together the risks of having children at 35ish to learn exactly what they are today.  Discuss your findings.

If you can brainstorm with your heads and hearts to create a relationship that includes both of your heart’s desires and makes you both equally happy, then your relationship will be able to continue, and the line in the sand may not become a continental divide.

Please keep in touch.

Merrily Preston is an Intentional Life Facilitator, who lives in Woodbridge. Her column is exclusive to Local Kicks. Email questions to merrily8@comcast.net, or use online form at www.anintentionallife.com,



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