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ASK MERRILY / War Movies

Merrily Preston
By Merrily Preston
Posted on Dec 30,2008
Filed Under Personal Development , Opinions,

Dear Merrily,

My husband is a veteran who likes to watch war movies in the evenings on TV.  I hate them as they give me nightmares. I usually read in the other room, but I'd rather be where he is - we are both busy and our time together is special. I have mentioned this to him, but it doesn't seem to register. Have you any suggestions?

Dear Suggestions,

War movies possibly connect your husband to his experience of war.  It may be part of his healing to engage in his past experience in the safety of his home with a movie and you, as he may have thoughts to untangle and sadness to touch.  

Although you have your own reasons for hating the movies, could you shift your perspective?  If you stay in the room with him as he watches, you provide safety for him and a gentle, unspoken awareness of his need to process.  Your supportive presence could allow him to share part of his experience with another human being without the need to talk.  What a special, intimate time together.  

This shift in perspective may make your nightmares unnecessary, as your focus would be on connecting with him rather than with the movie. 

Merrily Preston is an Intentional Life Facilitator, who lives in Woodbridge. Her column is exclusive to Local Kicks. Email questions to, or use online form at

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