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ASK MERRILY/Stop Gifting Me

Merrily Preston
By Merrily Preston
Posted on Jan 06,2009
Filed Under Personal Development , Opinions,

I have a friend who often gives me things for my home that I really do not like. I have tried to only put them out when she comes to visit but she has begun to come by "just to stop in".  So far I have had enough time to grab one of the pillows she's made me and throw it on the couch but I don't know how to tell her to stop gifting me.

Dear Stop Gifting Me,

The courage you need to be assertive can be accessed through deep breathing.  The breath connects us to our hearts and puts us on solid ground.  From there we can speak our truth clearly and simply.  

On her next ‘ stop in’ return to her one or all of the pillows.  Hold them out firmly for her to take as you say something like, Thank you for giving me these pillows, but you don’t need to make them for me anymore.  

Then add a true statement that you can stand behind.  For example:
I am donating items to reduce clutter and bring harmony to my home.  Your pillows are too valuable to become a donation, so I want you to have them.
I am no longer accepting gifts for my home as I have too many things, and I am learning to keep only what I really want.

And finally:  Your true gift to me has always been your friendship, for which I am deeply grateful.

Allow her to work through her own reaction to this unexpected truth.  However she responds, she will eventually appreciate and trust your honesty. 

And you will have grown immensely by knowing and expressing your truth.

Merrily Preston is an Intentional Life Facilitator, who lives in Woodbridge. Her column is exclusive to Local Kicks. Email questions to, or use online form at

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