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ASK MERRILY/ Financial Hardship

Merrily Preston
By Merrily Preston
Posted on Jul 23,2009
Filed Under Personal Development , Opinions,
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Photo Illustration by GMG Regional Media <br />
Photo Illustration by GMG Regional Media
"My husband and I never discuss our finances nor do we
have or create a budget. We both overspend what we make
each month. I have tried to talk to him, to ask him to work
with me around this issue. I have been unable to get through
to him that this is threatening our retirement –it is as if he
doesn’t care. At times, I feel like the only way to stop this
is to divorce him."

My husband and I never discuss our finances nor do we have or create a budget.  We both overspend what we make each month. I have tried to talk to him, to ask him to work with me around this issue.  I have been unable to get through to him that this is threatening our retirement –it is as if he doesn’t care.  At times, I feel like the only way to stop this is to divorce him.  Otherwise, I’ll be lift penniless.  Please help me.  

Dear Penniless,

When one person in a relationship says, ‘I have tried to get through to him,” the other person often could say the same thing.  If a chronic pattern needs to be derailed, then one person must get off the train and begin listening.  You could invite your husband to share his thoughts about finances and retirement.  If he does, then relax, listen without judgment, and set aside your normal response - a counter position or a defense.  If you do your listening job well, he may surprise you in a few days by making room for your position even though you refrained from stating it during his talking time.  
 
In addition to courage and patience, this would require a sincere intention to take in his thoughts.

Establish one tangible goal to work toward together, like regular mutual fund contributions or paying off a loan.  Add another goal.  Eventually establish your retirement dreams and the intentions to manifest those.  

Find financial activities that you can enjoy together: watch financial programs, follow your investments online, discuss the business section of the newspaper, pay bills online.   
It really is possible to be on the same page once you each learn to actively listen.  A shared commitment in finances opens possibilities to strengthen other areas of marriage.  But, if financial planning with your husband doesn’t work out, become your own financial partner.  Invest, save, pay off loans, cut spending.  

In the final countdown we are each responsible for ourselves.  Let me know how this works out for you as you take the reins.

Merrily Preston is an Intentional Life Facilitator who lives in Woodbridge. Her column is exclusive to Local Kicks. Email questions to askmerrily@yahoo.com, or use online form at www.anintentionallife.com



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