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ASK MERRILY/Desperately Want a Child

Merrily Preston
By Merrily Preston
Posted on Apr 21,2009
Filed Under Personal Development , Opinions,

I desperately want a child.  
My husband wants a child.  We purposely will not conceive a child because what we want is not the most important thing, which is consideration toward the child.  Making a life-altering decision without consulting the one most affected seems wrong.  Also, there is a chance that once the child is grown, he may feel “I would have preferred non-existence . . . safe from all harm."  Any harm that comes to him would be our fault, since we had conceived him. 

Dear Desperately,
What you want is the most important thing.  What-you-want wants you.   

You could invite a child into your lives.  There may be a soul waiting for your invitation.  
Once a child is grown, he may “prefer non-existence.”  Hasn’t everyone in desperate moments wished they had never been born?  Life can present difficulties that we don’t want to face.  This is human nature.

Consider the opposite of your statement:  If “any harm . . . would be your fault”, then wouldn’t any good also be your ‘fault’?  The coin has 2 sides.

I recommend that you ask someone to help you investigate both of these questions.  First, why do you use the word ‘desperately?’  Second, why do you feel that ‘any harm that comes’ to a child is his parents’ fault for conceiving him?  

A child’s life is his own.  He comes into the world with his own agenda.  He will experience safety and harm, belonging and loneliness, peace and desperation.  A lifetime has a full spectrum of emotion and always a 2-sided coin.  

You may find interesting Robert Frost’s perspective in this excerpt from his poem, “The Trial by Existence.”  

“And from a cliff-top is proclaimed
 The gathering of the souls for birth . . . .

“And none are taken but who will,
 Having first heard the life read out
 That opens earthward, good and ill,
 Beyond the shadow of a doubt . . . .”

Keep me posted.

Merrily Preston is an Intentional Life Facilitator, who lives in Woodbridge. Her column is exclusive to Local Kicks in Alexandria, VA. Email questions to, or use online form at

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