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ASK MERRILY/ Absolutely Annoyed

Merrily Preston
By Merrily Preston
Posted on Dec 30,2008
Filed Under Personal Development , Opinions,

Dear Merrily,

Your answer is fine to a point. But, I need good time for me, not just always being a good wife and mother for someone else.

I need real relationships that do not always ask me to be patient and giving. I need to have me be a priority at least to me. Your answer may be right, but there are times, right now being one of them, when I am absolutely annoyed at being told I just need to nurture a little more.

I know long term without any doubt that you are right.  But perhaps women/people also need to assert themselves more than you answer implies.

Dear Annoyed,

Your being “absolutely annoyed”, which is honest and assertive, is useful in uprooting “shoulds”:  always be a good wife and mother, always be patient and giving.  “Always” includes no space for you to be a priority.  

You “need real relationships.”  Is it your relationships with family that are asking you to be patient and giving, or is it your relationship with yourself that is asking?  It is so important for you to find the origin of this relentless demand.  

We must fill our own cups at the well before we have water to pour for others.  Remember the airline stewardess reminds us to put on our own oxygen mask before we help another.  The tentacles of this lesson reach beyond oxygen.  

When you can watch a war movie with your husband and care for yourself at the same time, do it.  When you can’t, use that time in another way that is good for you.  Be clear about when to fill your own cup and when to give.

Have someone help you investigate your hatred of war, which is the preferred object of your hatred for something deeper and earlier.  Also, investigate the information revealed in the nightmares.  Dreams often are postcards from the soul.

Merrily Preston is an Intentional Life Facilitator, who lives in Woodbridge. Her column is exclusive to Local Kicks. Email questions to, or use online form at

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